


Farewell

by LeDahliaNoir



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tennis, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-16 18:04:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14170530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeDahliaNoir/pseuds/LeDahliaNoir
Summary: This is the end. This was Roger Federer’s last match ever. An amazing career has been put to an end by winning the NITTO ATP Finals 2019. He concluded an amazing career with such a tremendous win. These last few months, the idea of retiring was constantly on his mind. He has already won every single thing in his career, what else? Fully satisfied with his life, in a personal way, he has always been on the edge of killing himself. Why?





	1. The NITTO Atp Finals 2019

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I don't know why this morning I just woke up and got the inspiration to write this. I'm a bit hesitant between writing a short series with only two chapters or a longer fanfiction. I will see... I guess.

This is the end. This was Roger Federer’s last match ever. An amazing career has been put to an end by winning the 2019 NITTO ATP Finals. He concluded an amazing career with such a tremendous win. These last few months, the idea of retiring was constantly on his mind. He has already won every single thing in his career, what else? Fully satisfied with his life, in a personal way, he has always been on the edge of _killing himself_. Why?

It might have been 2019, but we were still living in a heteronormative society. So being openly gay was still considered something huge to do. But Roger’s love for his biggest rival, Rafael Nadal, was worthy of every single thing. He just did love him to death. He could not imagine living his life as a retired tennis player without the love of his life. Roger just wanted to stop pretending to be perfect, to have a perfect family, a perfect life and to be everyone’s favourite. The man was just done with all this artifice.  Time came to tell his story and his own truth to the world.

Was he scared? Certainly. Did it worth to take the risk of coming out? Difficult to say. Honestly, Roger was just afraid of one thing: making Rafa unhappy. Rafa’s happiness has always been his priority besides his children’s well-being. He did not want to see Rafa suffering because of their potential coming out. Yes things must have to be said, it was not about his _own_ coming out but _theirs_.

They had been talking about it for a while, thinking about all the possible options left. At first, Rafa did not really want to make up his mind because he considered that whatever Roger would give him will make him happy anyway. This was just not enough for Roger though. The Swiss wanted more, craved for more; he wanted to be able to hold Rafa’s hand publicly, to kiss him and doing some PDA.

The older guy was just so done with all the hiding. Enough was enough. He was ready to take the lead in their relationship.

Roger tried to reassure Rafa that he was not doing it for his personal satisfaction and needs. He just wanted to be happy with him. He wanted everybody to see how in love they both were, but something needed to be taken into account. Rafa was 33 and still an ATP player. Therefore it meant something for the couple: Rafa would be the first ATP player to come out as gay publicly.

They both knew that it would make the headlines. They were too famous to not even consider the aftermath of such a decision.

And it is true that Roger’s move could be considered as selfish because at the end of the day, he did not have anything to lose at all. He was about to retire. As for Rafa, he had still everything at stake.

Being a public figure, an ATP player, a role model… Everything at the same time.

Roger knew all about it and hoped for the best. Judging someone about his sexual orientation should be forbidden, he thought. Things were not that easy even though a lot had be done in terms of normalizing homosexuality nowadays. Still, most gay couples needed to fight against society’s eyes on them.

The only thing they both hoped for was the world to accept them as they were and to inspire a new generation of young people to be who truly they are.

During that trophy ceremony, Roger had a tight lump in his throat. The adrenaline began to form within his body, the anticipation, the fear, the sadness, everything was on total display.

So when it was his turn to speak, he had a hard time to not cry.

Of course, it was his farewell but still, he had a lot to deliver in his speech starting with thanking his opponent of the day Alexander Zverev and many more.

Roger looked at the crowd. There was a special someone watching him. The commentators had noticed that Rafael Nadal sat down with Roger’s team. Unusual. Rafa was not injured obviously. He just lost in the early stages of the competition. That was it. They all knew they were close friends now and it did not mean anything, some players were friends with each other, casual, it was not such a big deal to see him cheering for Roger in the end. As for Roger, it was huge. Receiving the encouragement and the cheers of his lover was a dream coming true after so many years in the closet. For the first time, they both agreed on doing this for their sake. Roger did not want to hide Rafael this time. He had never wanted to do so but he knew how well people’s pressure could be put on his shoulders.

The whole society was watching, making his tremors unbearable. His voice ached because of too much internal pain in his throat. His blood circulation made him even paler, he has never been that tensed in his own life; he knew it would not be easy in any case. If he could die just right now, he would thank anybody. Was it too hard to tell the truth, his own truth or _rather theirs_? He was not that sure anymore, he knew he needed to be stronger because people expected him to deliver as usual. The always charming and elegant Roger Federer smiling and being a gent before everyone. What people did not know was the fact that Roger was about to break that promise with the public.

The most important person in his life was watching as well in anticipation and Roger acknowledged it by staring at him in the crowd.

His eyes filled with sorrow and sadness did not make thing any easier. Roger got the feeling to play with his life. Within the next few minutes, the entire world will know that he is in a very committed relationship with the one and only Rafael Nadal. Within the next few minutes, they would both be freed. What was the price of such an act of courage? The ballpark figure? Any bets?

He had no idea. And this was the least of his concerns currently.

When Alexander passed him the microphone, Roger moved towards the central stage and looked around. The crowd stared at him in silence. The air was filled with tension and drama. All eyes were on him. Incredible. The man was used to it. What was so different this time then? There has been a few rumours of his anticipated retirement in the press for a few months now but the public, the tennis world, was still expecting that it was a fake news.

It was the trend nowadays. Fake news everywhere.

If people were honest, they all knew that it was not just a rumour. Roger was now 38. He has been giving so much through all his career: a break was needed. Simple. No argument. No turning back.

He had so many ideas about what he will do when his career was finished: traveling around the world, supporting Rafa, spending Valentine’s Day with the love of his life, making love on a constant basis and so on.

Just thinking about all those wonders gave him even more courage to complete his mission: coming out today.

When he began to speak, he started by congratulating Alexander or Sasha it just depended on people’s preference. He implied the fact that the young German had a great future ahead and it was Next Gen’s time to shine finally. A beautiful farewell, isn’t it?

Roger has been dominating tennis for so many years and it was time to close it eventually. He was just proud because it was the end of everything. The 80’s born players should hand the torch to the young guns. Simple and plain. It did hurt a bit because it reminded him so many things like his first ever meeting with Rafa in Miami.

At that time, Rafa was only 17 year-old. Full of life and passion for the game. He just wanted to play against the World Number One. Roger remembered perfectly that day, he was like “who was that guy trying to beat me?”. He could not believe such a fierceness in the eyes. It was as if Rafa ate a lion that day to undermine Roger’s plan. But what he did not know at that time was Rafa’s crush on him. He admired so much the Swiss. Roger was just everything to him: the perfect tennis player, the perfect ambassador and many more.

And when they both shook hands, something happened inside Rafa. He did not know what it was but he knew it was just the beginning of something. Rivalry ensured later and perhaps love. Who would have thought at that time?

For years, they have been rival until someday Roger cornered Rafa with pleading eyes and told him that he was thinking about retiring. At first, Rafa did not take it well because he got the feeling that Roger, his everything, was just letting him carry the whole tennis universe on his shoulders.

But Roger explained himself and just added that it was time to leave.

They just both cried that day because Rafa got the feeling to let a part of him leave somewhere else very far away.

After this, tension filled their relationship. They were always on the edge of breaking up or whatever. Roger did not know that Rafa would take it so badly. They even reached a point of no return. Someday Roger just yelled at Rafa for a stupid reason. He knew that they had been falling apart recently and he felt that Rafa wanted to escape him each time by going out with his friends in Mallorca.

And that night when they reached that infamous situation, Roger had said some horrible things to the love of his life. He just regretted of opening his mouth right away. Anyone in the room would have cried for Rafa, he felt so heartbroken by Roger’s words. How could he say those kind of things? After everything, Roger did not still trust him. Why he always had the feeling that Rafa might be into some other Spanish guys? Roger had everything but still. His own insecurities were too loud to not acknowledge them.

That night, Rafa just ran away, he did not want to have anything to do with Roger. The latter begged him. This was a first, Roger Federer begging someone?

He knew that what he told Rafa was awful but he could not help it. He needed to speak his mind: his boyfriend had been too distant since he talked about his retirement plan. So this was just his way to deal with Rafa’s disappointment.

The next day, when Rafa went home around 4 in the morning. Roger was waiting for him, he could not just sleep, too worried about Rafa doing something stupid or being reckless.

When Rafa unlocked the main door, he did not look at Roger’s eyes at all. Pretending that he did not even exist. And he knew it hurt Roger. Roger’s eyes were just filled with tears, his forehead sweating from the hot in Mallorca, he got up and moved towards Rafa and tried to apologize desperately but Rafa did not want his apology this time. He just moved away his hands forcefully and past Roger.

Once upstairs, he went to their _bedroom_ and took some of his own stuff to another bedroom. Rafa’s house was just way too big, he had the luxury to do so.

Roger tried to catch up with it but it was too late. Rafa just closed his doors before he got the opportunity to get in.

This was one of the most horrible days of Roger’s life, because of a lack of communication between them.

The next following days, they did not even talk to each other. Rafa felt resentful and he did not know why. Usually, he was not like this but this time it was too much to handle. He just needed Roger to see how much he ached for his pitiful words. It would have been too easy to get back together without a proper discussion.

On Roger’s side, Rafa’s presence was missed, he just tried to go on with his life but it was too difficult. They were still in the same house, but still that small gateway in Mallorca turned into a nightmare.

At the end of that week, Roger packed his suitcase. He had to go to Switzerland. He had still a family and his children were waiting for their dad.

During his packing, he came across an old picture of Rafa and himself together. He looked at the back of the picture, it was written Dubai 2006. At that time, they were very far from being together but the mutual attraction could be felt. That day, they just had a nice dinner between fellow tennis players. It was not such a big deal and when it ended, they both took a picture together. Rafa had still long hair. Roger closed his eyes and kissed the picture, tears forcing their way out. He loved Rafa way too much and because of that stupid insecurity they drifted away from each other.

One hour later, Rafa knocked on their shared bedroom’s door. This was Rafa’s house after all. Why doing this? He could get in anytime, but he had still a lot of respect for Roger’s privacy. Maybe because they were not such an item any longer? Anyway, the Spaniard knocked on the door and waited for the Swiss to open.

When Roger opened, Rafa just embraced him right away. This was too much. He could not hold onto his anger any longer. He just wanted to make amend with Roger. Surprised the Swiss opened his eyes blankly, he was surely not expecting such a move from the so-composed Rafael Nadal.

When they stopped kissing, Rafael declared his love _Te quiero mucho Rogi sorry_. And Roger caught Rafa’s lower lips with his, gently and turned his head aside and pecked Rafa’s lips slightly at first then seeing no objection, they were just caught in a longing and fiery kiss. Their love was beautiful.

Roger knew that Rafa loved to be kissed that way. The Swiss did not hesitate this time thrusting his tongue inside Rafa’s delicious mouth. He just needed to feel his boyfriend. He did miss Rafa so much. Breathing was an option at this stage, but Rafa ended the kiss abruptly and stared at Roger.

The Swiss frowned, why did he stop the kiss?


	2. Insecurities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let's see where this one will lead us.
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and comments :). It is always appreciated. 
> 
> I know this chapter is pretty short. ^^

“You just want my attention Roger, no?” Rafa implied.

“So come and eat with me”.

Roger followed him along the corridor while holding his hand.

The most interesting aspect of their relationship was the unobvious. At first sight, people would think that Roger is the one leading their relationship but it was farther away from the truth. For the cameras, Roger wanted to show something else. But behind closed doors, it was another story. So when he raised the question of his retirement unilaterally something has been breached in their relationship’s dynamic.

Obviously, equality was part of their relationship but Roger liked to say this: complementarity defined better their coupling. Rafa was good for something and Roger for something else. That was the way they have been managing their relationship so far. It was what Roger wanted, Rafa had other plans otherwise. It was not because Rafa had met him at the age of 17 that that made him reckless or even immature. The truth, Rafa was much more mature in so many ways than Roger despite their 5 year age gap.

Before they started to date, Rafa used to have that image of a dominant Roger somehow. So when the Swiss had opened up about his own insecurities, he realized how Roger wanted to be taken care of. He explained him how stronger Rafa was physically and mentally.

How to understand Roger’s needs? Sometimes, it was preferable to go back to the teenage years.

They both had a different teenage hood. If only talking about it in terms of self-acceptance, it has always been easier for Rafa: he knew he was cute as _hell_ and handsome to look at. How many times people have talked about his youthful and beautiful smile? As for Roger, it was not the same. Physically, he had changed a lot. He used to look very different compared to Rafa whose face has just aged a little bit. But Roger’s beauty has always been different.

Eventually, people change overtime. They do not stay the same their whole life. It was part of character’s development. Anyway, what was the point of being static?

As for Rafa’s career, it has been like a rollercoaster from beginning until now.

What was the truth here? Through the Spaniard’s career, injuries and heartaches came along and the fact that he succeeded to come back each time spoke a lot for Roger. His boyfriend was stronger. Much stronger mentally adding the physical aspect. Roger liked to say that he did not have Rafa’s arms as if the latter loved him for that. Everybody was different and he knew badly how much he should accept himself instead of whining about his looks and his mental strength all the time.

Those issues have raised several problems in the course of their relationship. Roger’s lack of confidence was telling in a way that Rafa had kind of enough.

Always questioning his night outs with his friends?

It was as if he was scared of being cheating on. Unreasonable thoughts, he knew that for sure.

*

Whenever they met up, Roger was always the one to be hugged and Rafa couldn’t refuse him this. He knew how unconfident and unsure Roger was.

That is why Roger’s retirement plan shocked Rafa. He did not expect it. He would have liked to have a little discussion with Roger. But he guessed, Roger wanted to take this decision on his own behalf. This was one of the first times Roger showed some independence in their relationship.

And it did hurt Rafa, not because of his sudden independence but the lack of consultation. Otherwise, where they even an item?

It is always said that this is the little things that make or break a relationship.


End file.
